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zara_zeeMy family has always enjoyed playing Cluedo, so I got a bit of a giggle out of all the Cluedo weapons that Dean kept picking up. I also liked where the episode left us, with that little bit of proof that there is big trouble ahead for Dean, thanks to the Mark. As to my coda...there was one scene where Sam just looked so incredibly uncomfortable, that I had to explore it further...
Title: The traces they've left on my soul
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
zara_zee
Beta: Not beta’d
Genre(s): Episode coda
Rating: PG-13, Gen
Spoilers: Episode 10.06
Warnings: Vague references to some situations in which consent is somewhat dubious. Some swear words.
Word Count: ~750
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing in the sand box.
Title is from Travelin’ Man by Bob Seger
Summary: Sam can do this. He doesn’t want to, but it’s nothing compared to some of the things he’s had to do over the years.
--
Sam can do this. He doesn’t want to, but it’s nothing compared to some of the things he’s had to do over the years.
There’s the big one, of course. The time he choked down gallon after gallon of demon blood and let Lucifer jump his bones. He didn’t want to let Lucifer inside him; didn’t want to throw himself into the cage, but it had to be done. So he did it.
More recently, he carved up demons to get news on Dean and Crowley; knowing they were letting their hosts feel every cut. That was hard. It wasn’t something he wanted to do. But he was desperate. So he steeled his soul and he did it. Just like he steeled himself and punched the ever-loving crap out of Tim down in Boulder. Okay, maybe ‘steeled himself’ is less accurate than, say, let himself see red in a way he hasn’t since… since Ruby had him hopped up on demon blood. And don’t get him started on some of the things he did then. He will never forgive himself for the horror he put that nurse through. Nor for the way he left Dean bloody and gasping for breath on the floor of that motel room; the things he said to him. None of it true, not really, just the product of a chemically-induced rage. Different in every way to the rage he’d felt when Tim started mouthing off. He should probably feel bad about jumping him in the parking lot, but he doesn’t. Dude had it coming. Nothing about Dean has ever been common. And if Tim had actually tried to squash Dean under his boot like he’d been boasting in that hunters’ bar—Common demon. Nothing special. Dean fucking who? Just another vermin to be exterminated—then Sam’s pretty sure his brother (not-his-brother) would have peeled the hunter’s jugular out of his neck with his fingernails. Slowly.
The violence and the blood and the darkness of those weeks, it wasn’t something Sam wanted. He didn’t enjoy it. But he did those things, because they had to be done. For Dean. Or maybe for himself. He’s not entirely sure where that line is any more.
So this? Is nothing. He fucked; actually fucked; countless women when he was soulless; in their husband’s bed, up against the bare-brick wall of a bar, on the counter in a restroom. It never meant anything and he didn’t care. It doesn’t mean anything now either and he’s certainly not going to fuck anyone, but with his soul intact, he cares.
Their dad always said that a hunter had to use every weapon in his arsenal and that their good looks were just another weapon. Neither of them has ever been comfortable with that, although Dean does a better job of pretending he doesn’t mind. He’d mastered the art of flirting by the time he was sixteen and he turns on the charm as easy as turning on a tap. Sam can only flirt credibly if it’s real; if some part of him is genuinely interested.
Sarah. Madison. Cara Roberts. Getting intimate with them had greased the wheels of the job they were working at the time, but if he hadn’t felt something for them, he couldn’t have done it. He feels nothing for Beverley and Heddy; a little contempt maybe. But it doesn’t matter; he can do this.
His targets are on the sofa, looking at something on a tablet and bickering quietly.
He clears his throat loudly. “Hey. Hey ladies. What are you doing?”
“Trying to find Beverley a man,” Heddy says.
Sam attempts to look interested.
“I’ve resorted to fishing online,” Beverley pouts, “because the live ones won’t bite.”
She’s sulky, but not angry. He can work with that.
“You mean back there?” he jerks his thumb toward the doorway. “I was just playing hard to get.”
“Well then,” Beverley’s smile is predatory. “You’re a very convincing actor.”
Sam tries to look charming and seductive, and not fake and cheap like he feels.
“Come,” Beverley says.
Frankly, he’d rather dig up a corpse. But he saunters over anyway. It’s not the worst thing he’s ever had to do and he resolutely refuses to think about that one time, his first year in college, when he got out-hustled by a pool shark and ended up on his knees in the alley out back and—he is resolutely not thinking about that.
He puts a hand on Beverley’s knee and swallows back bile. He can do this.
--
Title: The traces they've left on my soul
Author:
zara_zeeBeta: Not beta’d
Genre(s): Episode coda
Rating: PG-13, Gen
Spoilers: Episode 10.06
Warnings: Vague references to some situations in which consent is somewhat dubious. Some swear words.
Word Count: ~750
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing in the sand box.
Title is from Travelin’ Man by Bob Seger
Summary: Sam can do this. He doesn’t want to, but it’s nothing compared to some of the things he’s had to do over the years.
--
Sam can do this. He doesn’t want to, but it’s nothing compared to some of the things he’s had to do over the years.
There’s the big one, of course. The time he choked down gallon after gallon of demon blood and let Lucifer jump his bones. He didn’t want to let Lucifer inside him; didn’t want to throw himself into the cage, but it had to be done. So he did it.
More recently, he carved up demons to get news on Dean and Crowley; knowing they were letting their hosts feel every cut. That was hard. It wasn’t something he wanted to do. But he was desperate. So he steeled his soul and he did it. Just like he steeled himself and punched the ever-loving crap out of Tim down in Boulder. Okay, maybe ‘steeled himself’ is less accurate than, say, let himself see red in a way he hasn’t since… since Ruby had him hopped up on demon blood. And don’t get him started on some of the things he did then. He will never forgive himself for the horror he put that nurse through. Nor for the way he left Dean bloody and gasping for breath on the floor of that motel room; the things he said to him. None of it true, not really, just the product of a chemically-induced rage. Different in every way to the rage he’d felt when Tim started mouthing off. He should probably feel bad about jumping him in the parking lot, but he doesn’t. Dude had it coming. Nothing about Dean has ever been common. And if Tim had actually tried to squash Dean under his boot like he’d been boasting in that hunters’ bar—Common demon. Nothing special. Dean fucking who? Just another vermin to be exterminated—then Sam’s pretty sure his brother (not-his-brother) would have peeled the hunter’s jugular out of his neck with his fingernails. Slowly.
The violence and the blood and the darkness of those weeks, it wasn’t something Sam wanted. He didn’t enjoy it. But he did those things, because they had to be done. For Dean. Or maybe for himself. He’s not entirely sure where that line is any more.
So this? Is nothing. He fucked; actually fucked; countless women when he was soulless; in their husband’s bed, up against the bare-brick wall of a bar, on the counter in a restroom. It never meant anything and he didn’t care. It doesn’t mean anything now either and he’s certainly not going to fuck anyone, but with his soul intact, he cares.
Their dad always said that a hunter had to use every weapon in his arsenal and that their good looks were just another weapon. Neither of them has ever been comfortable with that, although Dean does a better job of pretending he doesn’t mind. He’d mastered the art of flirting by the time he was sixteen and he turns on the charm as easy as turning on a tap. Sam can only flirt credibly if it’s real; if some part of him is genuinely interested.
Sarah. Madison. Cara Roberts. Getting intimate with them had greased the wheels of the job they were working at the time, but if he hadn’t felt something for them, he couldn’t have done it. He feels nothing for Beverley and Heddy; a little contempt maybe. But it doesn’t matter; he can do this.
His targets are on the sofa, looking at something on a tablet and bickering quietly.
He clears his throat loudly. “Hey. Hey ladies. What are you doing?”
“Trying to find Beverley a man,” Heddy says.
Sam attempts to look interested.
“I’ve resorted to fishing online,” Beverley pouts, “because the live ones won’t bite.”
She’s sulky, but not angry. He can work with that.
“You mean back there?” he jerks his thumb toward the doorway. “I was just playing hard to get.”
“Well then,” Beverley’s smile is predatory. “You’re a very convincing actor.”
Sam tries to look charming and seductive, and not fake and cheap like he feels.
“Come,” Beverley says.
Frankly, he’d rather dig up a corpse. But he saunters over anyway. It’s not the worst thing he’s ever had to do and he resolutely refuses to think about that one time, his first year in college, when he got out-hustled by a pool shark and ended up on his knees in the alley out back and—he is resolutely not thinking about that.
He puts a hand on Beverley’s knee and swallows back bile. He can do this.
--
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no subject
Date: 2014-11-25 04:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-25 05:05 am (UTC)Edition 3,061
Date: 2014-11-25 05:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-25 06:16 am (UTC)My favourite bit is this:
He didn’t enjoy it. But he did those things, because they had to be done. For Dean. Or maybe for himself. He’s not entirely sure where that line is any more.
no subject
Date: 2014-11-25 09:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-25 01:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-26 03:19 am (UTC)Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! :)
*Hugz*
no subject
Date: 2014-11-28 01:10 pm (UTC)Great coda. :)
no subject
Date: 2014-11-28 11:16 pm (UTC)