zara_zee

I thoroughly enjoyed episode 11.19. Really interesting, freaky MOTW and some nice character stuff. It also made me think a lot about love in all its various forms. As we all do, I have lots of head-canon around Sam and Dean and in my personal head-canon, Dean is bi-sexual. That head-canon and my contemplation about love led me to this coda...

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Title: Love, sex and tomatoes

Author: zara_zee
Beta: Not beta’d
Genre(s): Episode coda.
Rating: PG-13, Gen
Spoilers: Episode 11.19

Word Count: ~ 1,000

Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing in the sand box.

Summary: Dean put sex and love in different baskets a long time ago.

Dean’s always surprised—like really surprised—whenever anyone actually comes out and admits it in public.

Like…where do they find the courage to put themselves out there like that? To risk the abuse and the name calling?

Pretty boy. Cock sucking lips. Faggot.

Dean likes women.

Soft curves. Smooth skin. The intoxicating way they smell and taste.

He likes men too. Just not…publically.

Well.

He’s been to Purgatory.

Yes, the one in Florida.

And other clubs like it around the country.

So there’s that. Sort of public. In a shadows and dark corners kind of way.

Dean pours himself another drink. Savors the smooth malty taste.

Women, they take time.

Not because they’re shrinking violets who need lengthy wooing. Women are strong and capable and they know what they want.

But they’ve learned to be cautious. Learned that not all men are safe. They take their time evaluating the risk versus reward of taking the unattached drifter home—or to a motel room—with them. Dean respects that. It’s smart.

With men it’s quicker. Men are macho. Over-confident. They feel entitled.

And when you don’t have long—when you’re sneaking in a quickie during a run for chow mien and a six pack of El Sol—a hurried fuck in the car behind a gay bar can be the best solution.

So it’s not Cesar and Jesse’s sexuality that made Dean momentarily uncomfortable, it’s the fact that they’re out. The fact that they’re so open about it.

Cesar says being with a hunter means you’ve got twice as much to worry about.

Dean gets that. He worries more about Sam than he does about himself.

Dean put sex and love in different baskets a long time ago. He loves Sam. They’re partners in the truest sense of the word and there’s no one else he wants beside him as he journeys through life.

He meets his need for sex with porn and his right hand and random hook ups.

He has tried to merge sex and love before; Robin, Cassie, Lisa.

It’s never gone well.

Starting something with another hunter? That’d just be one more person to worry about.

Still, just because it ain’t right for him, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work for Sam.

Sam likes that hunter, Eileen. The woman from the nursing home job. Dean knows for a fact that they text each other.

And Sam, he could leave Dean. He’s done it before.

Okay, maybe he’s not going to give up hunting any more, but he could give up Dean. It would probably be for the best. Sam and Eileen could help Dean defeat the Darkness and then retire to a ranch in Mexico.

Be neighbors with Cesar and Jesse. Be normal. Safe.

The door to his bedroom opens and Dean pulls off his headphones. It’s Sam. He looks at Dean’s nightstand and frowns and Dean follows his gaze.

Oh wow. He’s a lot further through that bottle of Jim than he’d realized.

“Whassup, Sammy?” he says. The slur’s barely noticeable.

“You okay?” Sam asks, eyes narrowed and yet somehow seeing too much.

Dean nods and says yep with exaggerated care. “You talked to Eileen lately?” he asks.

“We Skyped a couple weeks back.”

Sam’s looking at him closely.

Dean fakes a smile.

“That’s good,” he says. “You two should be a thing. Get together. Be a…a…a couple.”

Sam sighs and shakes his head and does that smile where only one half of his mouth turns up and his cheeks don’t really dimple and his eyes go dark and wide.

Dean gets a little lost cataloguing his brother’s expression. He may have had too much to drink.

“Is this about Cesar and Jesse?” Sam asks.

“Huh? What? No.” Dean says. “I was just thinking--”

“You were just drinking,” Sam corrects, leaning against the door jamb. “And you come up with really stupid ideas when you try thinking after you’ve been drinking.”

“Do not,” Dean says.

Sam raises an eyebrow.

“Anyway,” Dean says. “You could--”

“Dean,” Sam’s tone is exasperated. He pushes off the door and comes and sits on the edge of Dean’s bed.

“I’m exactly where I want to be. I’m not leaving you.”

“Dude! I’m your brother not your girlfriend and this ain’t a chick flick.”

Sam shrugs. “We’ve lived together practically our whole lives. And maybe that’s not exactly normal for brothers, but when has anything about our lives ever been normal?”

Sam pats him on the knee and stands up.

“I’m not gay,” Dean blurts.

Shit. He’s definitely had too much to drink.

“I know that, Dean,” Sam says.

Dean relaxes.

“You’re bi,” Sam adds.

Dean freezes. Maybe even whites out slightly, because when his eyes refocus Sammy is way too close, holding his face and staring at him, saying his name on repeat.

Dean pushes him away. “Personal space, Sammy.”

Sam backs off and tells him that it’s okay. That he’s known for a long time. That it doesn’t matter. That there’s nothing wrong with batting for both teams. Dean doesn’t say try telling Dad that, because he doesn’t want to give Sam a reason to start hating on their dad again, not now that Sam seems to have made his peace with the man.

“Okay” Dean interrupts Sam’s flow. His brother is in full support and empathize with the victim and con them into telling you everything mode.

Dean’s a little scared, what with all the whiskey he’s had to drink, that he might accidentally start talking about his feelings if Sam doesn’t shut up.

“I’m gonna make your favorite burgers for supper,” he says, because he can’t say I love you Sammy. “You know, the ones that make you moan like you’re getting laid.”

Sam’s laugh is carefree and then his face morphs into a wicked grin. “I’m not the one who orgasms over meat in my mouth,” he says and then ducks out of the room fast to avoid the pillow Dean throws at him.

“I’m going to the farmer’s market,” Sam calls out, “to get some of those heirloom tomatoes you like for the burgers.”

Dean hears the I love you too, Dean just fine.